Good Article on Marriage
Dec. 19th, 2006 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
carocrowI wish this article had come out before my stepson tied the knot in his "starter marriage" several years ago... there are several relevant issues mentioned here that might have prevented some of the problems they encountered (and I say might, because I know how hormones and hope can haze anybody's brain). Marital problems are not inevitable, but I'd suggest that they are pretty common, since most of us avoid addressing or dealing with things that we assume will work themselves out if we are earnest and in love.
Love is really important, but it isn't everything.
If I had to grade the value of it in a relationship, I'd say it is in the top five things, and that the others include honesty, respect, communication skills and the ability to compromise. Another vital quality is generosity... with time, affection, emotions, thoughts, and yes, money. There's a verse in the Bible about not going unequally yoked, and there's a basic truth in that; you can't pull the plow together if you aren't headed in the same direction or have compatible strengths. If one person is ambitious and the other isn't, if one has sexual needs they hide or the other won't even discuss, if one wants children and the other doesn't, I can say from personal experience there's a big Doom in the Room. There's other issues, like addictions, immaturity and emotional problems, but if you buy that dog knowing it bites, you get what you pay for.
My advice is, be a giver, find a giver, and learn to find joy in both giving and in receiving. Keep your mind, heart and arms open and love yourself so you'll have enough for other beings. If you decide to marry, join with someone you can dwell with when there is poverty, illness, exhaustion and stress and who will still see you are beautiful no matter what you actually look like physically... because you are.
Questions Couples Should Ask Before Marrying
Love is really important, but it isn't everything.
If I had to grade the value of it in a relationship, I'd say it is in the top five things, and that the others include honesty, respect, communication skills and the ability to compromise. Another vital quality is generosity... with time, affection, emotions, thoughts, and yes, money. There's a verse in the Bible about not going unequally yoked, and there's a basic truth in that; you can't pull the plow together if you aren't headed in the same direction or have compatible strengths. If one person is ambitious and the other isn't, if one has sexual needs they hide or the other won't even discuss, if one wants children and the other doesn't, I can say from personal experience there's a big Doom in the Room. There's other issues, like addictions, immaturity and emotional problems, but if you buy that dog knowing it bites, you get what you pay for.
My advice is, be a giver, find a giver, and learn to find joy in both giving and in receiving. Keep your mind, heart and arms open and love yourself so you'll have enough for other beings. If you decide to marry, join with someone you can dwell with when there is poverty, illness, exhaustion and stress and who will still see you are beautiful no matter what you actually look like physically... because you are.
Questions Couples Should Ask Before Marrying
