Rainbows in the Darkness

Why is communication so hard sometimes?

Why do we hurt each other, and ourselves?

Sometimes I wish I could just open myself up, just rip a window, and reveal what I need to share, rather than using words. Apparently my inner turmoil is visible, but inexplicable, to others. Many emotions look similar, from the outside. Being misunderstood is hard. And sometimes we don't make it any easier.

Why do we come together? To learn. How do we learn? By doing, by being, by sharing.

It is not easy, but it is all we've got.

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My heart is not broken. It is full, and overworked. It's trying to be noble, trying not to be fearful, trying to be everything to everyone and still keep beating. It's tired. I'm tired.

I've been pet sitting this weekend for our Office Manager, who is out of town. This afternoon, after letting her dog out, I went by our Women's Advocate's... she lives near there, and she calmed me down, worked on me for a while, gave my guides a talking-to. She loaned me "Avatar" to watch and read to me out of Zukov's "The Seat of the Soul". I was able to eat after I left, and I think my mind is less crazy.

She spoke to me about things without even knowing that she was speaking what I needed to hear, about that spell we fall into sometimes in which you are not exactly suicidal, but you wouldn't give a damn if you went to sleep and didn't wake up. I know it will pass, I've been here before. But oh, so tired. So fucking tired.

Now here comes a summer thunderstorm... I'm going to read a while, and maybe I'll nap. The cardinals are taking away the peanuts I left outside the sliding glass door, one by one. Let's see if they beat the rain.

Got this from one of my meditation sites, pretty darn good advice. ( Top 10 Ways to Determine if a Person is Right for You )

A follow up on the concept of relationship and self development from soulbiographies "THUNK" audio.

"on top of the hill facing the wrong way"

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I wish this article had come out before my stepson tied the knot in his "starter marriage" several years ago... there are several relevant issues mentioned here that might have prevented some of the problems they encountered (and I say might, because I know how hormones and hope can haze anybody's brain). Marital problems are not inevitable, but I'd suggest that they are pretty common, since most of us avoid addressing or dealing with things that we assume will work themselves out if we are earnest and in love.

Love is really important, but it isn't everything.

If I had to grade the value of it in a relationship, I'd say it is in the top five things, and that the others include honesty, respect, communication skills and the ability to compromise. Another vital quality is generosity... with time, affection, emotions, thoughts, and yes, money. There's a verse in the Bible about not going unequally yoked, and there's a basic truth in that; you can't pull the plow together if you aren't headed in the same direction or have compatible strengths. If one person is ambitious and the other isn't, if one has sexual needs they hide or the other won't even discuss, if one wants children and the other doesn't, I can say from personal experience there's a big Doom in the Room. There's other issues, like addictions, immaturity and emotional problems, but if you buy that dog knowing it bites, you get what you pay for.

My advice is, be a giver, find a giver, and learn to find joy in both giving and in receiving. Keep your mind, heart and arms open and love yourself so you'll have enough for other beings. If you decide to marry, join with someone you can dwell with when there is poverty, illness, exhaustion and stress and who will still see you are beautiful no matter what you actually look like physically... because you are.

Questions Couples Should Ask Before Marrying